Someone told me yesterday that lossing my grandmother had a huge impact on me because never had I experienced a loss before. They said that even when you end a friendship or break up with a s.o. you prepare yourself for bigger losses.
And I my friends have never been hurt from a friend or a s.o. before. I have ended friendships with amazing people, some of whom I have no idea where and what they are doing with their life. People that made me laugh and shared secrets with me. But apparently I was not too attached to them, not enough to hurt from the loss.
Not only wasn’t I hurt but in most cases I was happy to see them go somewhere else with new people they believed made them happy. I felt good that we were trying to find our paths. I’ve had a lot of best friends in my life and remember them all very dearly.
So this person said it was a very bad thing that the first time I experienced pain from a loss was with one of the most important people in my life; the only one I was super attached to… and it was a forever loss. One where I would never see, hear or have a chance to speak with that person again.
I don’t really know why I shared this; being a tiny part of a private conversation between me and that someone. On one hand, I think I amuse and entertain them and on another they must find me as a little selfish human being who should love and show love to people more often.
Maybe I am sharing this so you love more and get hurt more. Or maybe don’t and then get crushed by a big love/loss; just like me. ME. As rumor has it, a person who is obviously missing something in their life by not loving enough but doesn’t try to change it.
This probably won’t make sense to any of you. Except maybe the ones who have the same problem with love and trust and these sort of silly stuff.
by them and they in paragraph five I refer to someone whose name I don’t want to mentioned here, although none of my real life friends who reads this blog knows them. This person is a professional. Just saying.