day 1: how have you changed in these past two years(?)

These past two years have been pretty tough to me. A lot of changes occured in different areas and I wasn’t ready for some of them. 

I went through a lot. There was a time where I felt weak and sad almost everyday, not calling it depression because it feels silly to use this word for such a thing when people out there are trying so hard to deal with it. 

I started reading so many books, more than I ever had. My shelves were always full. The TBR lists got longer and longer each day. I started to lose the sense of priorities. My priority became books for over a year. But slowly things got under control and I was able to get my priorities straight. Okay, not really. To this day I suffer. 

My friendships changed as well. I got old friends back and made new ones. Unfortunately (for them, haha!) these relationships were not meant to be. 

I started to be more… me, in a way. Like with friends I didn’t try to please them. I was more open and tried to hang out more. I tried to give time to my hobbies and passions, although it was just a tiny bit. 

But I also got to feel horrendous pain. I lost someone so dear to me, my best friend in the whole world. My sunshine. The one who knew everything, who understood everything, who was always beside me. 

I know it may sound like a lie, but I have tears in my eyes as I write this. There is something about it I can’t yet say, let alone write here, that left me in a black void of fears. 

I saw a part of myself so strong and yet so weak. I have started to find myself, to put some goals in my life, to create something and be proud of it. 

I am not sure if I have changed for the better or for the worse in the eyes of the people in my life, but I feel like I am a better person and for as long as I feel this inside of me it is all good. 


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